It never sat well with me when people said life will begin at a specific point in the future.
“Life will begin once I graduate high school.”
“My life will finally begin once I find a partner and get married.”
“Only once you reach 30 will I start thriving.”
It took me years to pinpoint why phrases such as these bothered me, and that reason lies within the simple fact that they just don’t make any sense.
If such phrases are true, then is it correct to say that the lives of people who die prematurely didn’t truly start living yet because they didn’t get married and have a family? Or didn’t experience their college years? Or never had the chance to travel? If such phrases are true, then is it correct to assume that everything you’ve experienced before reaching specific benchmarks that indicate “the start of life” is empty and devoid of any meaning?
This type of thinking has circulated in our society, going unquestioned by the majority of the population. We don’t need statistics to prove this. Just look around and observe the behavior of those around you. You will see, as Zen Buddhist monk, teacher, and author Thich Nhat Hahn observed, that people are in a rat race, constantly chasing after something. Whether it’s a car, a house, a diploma, or a partner, their sights are always on something out there. It’s almost never in the present moment, which is why many feel their life won’t begin until they reach a certain milestone.
This feeling is a delusion. The delusion tricks you into believing that you actually have the power to pause life and to hit play whenever you feel it is the right, magical moment. But it doesn’t work like that. Life is unfolding now whether you like it or not. It’s up to you whether you want to be an active, happy participant or passive, deluded participant.
Two years ago, I wrote a blog post titled, “Waiting to start living syndrome” which was inspired by a passage in A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle. To this day, this post has remained my most popular article with the phrase “waiting for my life to start” being a recurring search that leads people to my article.
What does this tell us? That people are growing tired of the belief that tells us life is “out there,” waiting to begin once we reach a certain age or milestone. People want answers on how to free themselves from this mindset and start living their life right now.
If you are amongst those people, here is how to free yourself from ‘waiting to start living’ syndrome:
How to Overcome ‘Waiting to Start Living’ Syndrome
Reflection: Ask yourself these questions
1. What do you fear?
Usually when we feel as if we can’t begin to live the life we envision, we are being held back by fear. Fear comes in all shapes and sizes and is sometimes hard to pinpoint.
The first step to confronting WSL syndrome is to acknowledge your fear(s). Is it fear of the unknown? Is it fear of being embarrassed if things don’t work out? Is it fear of putting yourself out there? What’s been holding you back from doing the things you want to do and be in life?
Whatever it is, become aware of it. Awareness is like a light that helps us see clearly what appears monstrous in the dark. Once you can pinpoint what exactly is stopping you from pursuing life is the moment you can begin working to confront that fear.
2. What exactly are you waiting for?
I, like many others, believed that once I reached a certain milestone or acquired a particular possession that then — only then — will I be happy.
This futile thinking faded when I observed countless celebrities be candid about “having it all” and still not being happy. As Jim Carrey once famously said, “I wish everyone could get rich and famous and everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that’s not the answer.” I didn’t need to test this theory to realize the validity of it.
Nhat Hahn insists in The Art of Living that we ask the following questions if we feel restless in the present moment: “What am I longing for?” What am I searching for?” “What am I waiting for?”
Once you reflect and answer these questions, then ask yourself if it’s worth postponing your life for.
Action: what to actually do right now
1. Become accustomed to the present moment
Have you ever been out to dinner with someone and their mind is elsewhere. Even though they are physically with you, they’re distracted by their phone, their racing thoughts, or the surrounding atmosphere. That’s how we are the majority of the time in our own lives. We may be physically here, but we’re constantly distracted by something else — the past, the future, but never the present.
The present moment has become a stranger to us when it should be home. To overcome WSL syndrome, we need to become re-acquainted with the present moment because, without it, we’ll forever be bound to what is next instead of what is now.
2. Practice gratitude
You may not be where you want to be in life yet and that’s okay. That doesn’t mean you have to postpone happiness.
There is always something to be grateful for. Look around and take note of all the things you have going for you right now and appreciate them. If you can’t learn to be content and grateful for the now, you’re training yourself to be the same exact way when you actually get to where you want to be.
3. Envision the life you want and keep that vision alive
Having a vision for your life while also fully dwelling in the present can co-exist. The problem many of us have is devoting 100% of our time and energy into waiting for the visuals on our vision boards to magically manifest.
There’s actually two halves to the equation when it comes to overcoming WSL syndrome. One part is envisioning the life you want and the other is actually keeping that vision alive by taking steps in your everyday life.
It’s not enough to postpone living for some moment in the future. One day you’re not going to spontaneously be happily living the life you dream of. You have to start practicing that vision right now, right where you are.
Because you’re reading these words, I know WSL syndrome will subside in your life. The true first step to overcoming this syndrome is seeking out answers, and that is what you’re doing right now.
I salute you because it’s not easy. It takes courage to realize that life is happening right now; it’s not happening in the past or the future, but right now.
So my last words to you is this: Go out and live.
If you found value from this post, let me know in the comment section!
What are your thoughts on Tolle’s “Waiting to Start Living Syndrome?”
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