Have you ever had advice that was so profound that it altered the course of your life? Whether it be advice couched in metaphors, plain advice supported by cliches, or unique advice only lived experience could produce? Such an experience happened in the backseat of an Uber ride as I cruised the San Diego streets to my college dorm.
Like most twenty year olds, I didn’t have a clue what I was doing let alone what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Despite this recurring trend, university life primes you to believe that you should know the answers to these inquiries. This results in stressed out twenty-somethings running around, trying on identities and job titles crafted and worn by those before them, conjuring feelings of misalignment and confusion. All of our time and energy is devoted to building these identities and playing these roles instead of dedicating time to a more worthwhile pursuit: asking ourselves how we want our lives to look and feel.
In the midst of searching for these answers and experimenting with titles and identities as a 20-year-old in college, I was met with advice that contradicted everything that I’ve been taught to believe about gathering the building blocks for a fulfilling life. I can’t remember exactly how the thirty-something Uber driver and I got on the topic, but we started to talk about ourselves — what we did, what we hoped for in life, and how we wanted to live — and eventually he shared one of his biggest regrets. “I’ll tell you what, being a 35-year-old… always being asked ‘What do I wanna do?’ and I just kind of did what my dad did, did what my grandfather did,” he said. “And it’s like the lifestyle is what you have left over. Just pursue how you want to live life.”
Just pursue how you want to live life. This stuck with me as I went through the last two years of college, trading the question “what do you want to do with your life?” with “what lifestyle do you want to pursue?”. Even though a career is a part of the equation of creating a lifestyle, it’s not the focus. Before this advice crossed my path, I was taught that whatever career I chose would make up a significant part of my identity; therefore, I should choose it well. Because of this, I put an unnecessary amount of pressure on myself to figure out the trajectory of my life before I had the chance to grow accustomed to my budding adult identity.
So far, the change has only reaped rewarding results. The lifestyle I envisioned for myself included alignment, freedom, creativity, and freedom. Since the day I stepped out of my Uber ride, I started to create a lifestyle centered on these values, which all led me to living a life that wouldn’t have been possible if I continued to believe there was one way I could be fulfilled.
It’s hard to think about “what if’s” if you’re someone who believes that everything unfolds in the way that it should and equally challenging if you simultaneously believe that life is created by a series of choices. But if we put aside the former belief for a second, I can imagine how my life would have unfolded had I never encountered my Uber driver’s advice: I would still be a devout follower of hustle culture, I would’ve attempted to please my parents by pursuing a more lucrative career, I would get a traditional 9-to-5 job in my hometown, I would find a partner and settle down with children, and I would continuously measure my worth to how others view my choices. Thinking about the possibility of this future had I made different choices based on the blueprint handed to me gives me chills because it couldn’t be farther from the lifestyle I envisioned for myself.
With alignment, freedom, creativity, and freedom leading the way, I’ve been building a career as a writer, I’ve been slow-traveling around the world (hello, from Spain!), and I’ve been exploring hobbies that keep my curiosity alive and offer me solace from hustle culture. I still don’t have have the answers to the questions, “What do you want to do with your life?,” but in the pursuit of a lifestyle that feels true to me, I know without a doubt that I’m living a life that my future self will be in awe of.
What’s a piece of advice that’s changed the way you see life? Share it in the comments — I’d love to know!
If this post resonated, you’ll enjoy my other reflections on alignment, growth, and creating a life that feels like yours here.
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