As soon as I saw Oprah Winfrey’s smiling face alongside Keke Palmer’s on a Baby, This is Keke Palmer thumbnail, I knew I was in for a treat. I hit play, eager to soak in Oprah’s thoughts on knowing your worth and her journey to becoming, well, Oprah. I was thoroughly enjoying the conversation right up to around the 29:00 mark where Oprah is asked a question about how she defines living a good life. She starts off explaining that a good life looks like freedom and the ability to make choices based on what you really want.
“I think when you’re not free, not completely free” Oprah explained, “you can’t make decisions based upon what you want.”
She then goes on to share what she tells her mentees around the idea of work-life balance. Oprah’s mentees are young women in their twenties who are at that point of young adulthood where they’re trying to balance early-career obligations with the other aspects of a fulfilling life: relationships, health, and adventure. But, according to Oprah, work-life balance isn’t attainable in a young person’s life. In fact, they’re “not supposed to have it.”
In context, this response makes sense. Oprah comes from a generation that often measured their worth by how many hours they put into work, how much they sacrificed for work, and how much they struggled to achieve success. Being born to parents who carried this mindset from their parents and their parents’ parents, I’m no stranger to how this paradigm looks and feels. I even spent a portion of my life tying my self-worth to outward achievement, constantly competing for recognition, and feeling guilty when my mind and body demand I slow down and rest. Luckily, that paradigm didn’t have much time to become ingrained in how I view my life and, more importantly, how I want to live it.
I’m no stranger to how this paradigm looks and feels. I even spent a portion of my life tying my self-worth to outward achievement, constantly competing for recognition, and feeling guilty when my mind and body demand I slow down and rest.
I did question whether there were cracks in my belief. Was Oprah right? Should I be working harder, putting in more hours, and, in her words “doing what I have to do to be able to earn the right to actually do what I want to do?” Especially after starting my first full-time job a few months ago, Oprah’s opinion threw me for a loop. I want to be successful and build a career I’m proud of, but I also don’t want life to pass me by as I do so.
Maybe Oprah is right and the only way to have work-life balance is to sacrifice and put in the work now. But the thing is, I’ve seen what can come of inheriting Oprah’s mindset. On the one hand, you can achieve success by adhering to the idea that you should grind while you’re young, and enjoy the fruits of your labor later when you’ve established yourself in your career. But, on the other hand, that can come at the expense of your health, your peace, and oftentimes a true sense of satisfaction. I’ve had conversations with people who practiced what Oprah is preaching and reached a point in their lives where they felt betrayed by a narrative that said you’ll be happy and fulfilled on the other side of your work, struggle, and sacrifice — but aren’t.
This is why the idea of waiting to live until you reach a certain point your life never sat right with me. You can work and work and work, with a future destination in mind, but even when you think you’ve reached it, it often falls short of what it promised. Or in some cases, people don’t even get the chance to reach that point since no man is guaranteed a tomorrow. Given this, I don’t think we have to earn the right to live the life we want as Oprah sees it. I think it’s our birthright to live it right now.
Striking a perfect balance between work and all the other aspects of life isn’t realistic. There will be seasons of life where our focus leans more heavily toward one area than the other. This means that young adults may have more seasons where they are putting in a few extra hours at work as they’re trying to build the foundation of their career. But it also means that adults can and should have seasons where they ease up on work a little and pour more time into nurturing relationships, exploring their passions, taking care of themselves, and creating new memories. Allowing seasons to come and go is what will ensure we honor the present while taking action toward the life we want in the future.
Success, in anything, takes time and energy. This is a fact that reverberates across generations. But a fact that also needs to be shared equally across generations is that success in life isn’t determined by sacrificing balance. A fulfilling life doesn’t require you to pay your dues, earn the right to live how you want, or receive any form of societal approval. All it requires is for you to identify what it is that you desire and for you to have the courage to go after it, even if that means going against the blueprint of life you were handed.
Do you think that you have to earn the right to live how you want? Let me know your thoughts below!
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