Your twenties, as they say, are for exploration, risks, mistakes, and a little bit of reckless fun. You’re young; you’re free. This is reinforced in the coming-of-age movies that usually depict a protagonist (somewhere in their early twenties) landing their first corporate job, moving to a big city, acquiring a group of quirky friends, and slowly — but surely — finding their footing in adulthood.
As a coming-of-age movie fanatic, I was eager to enter my twenties. I had a clear picture of how I wanted it to pan out, how I wanted it to feel. I wanted the confusing yet exciting uncertainty that the decade is reputed to bring, I wanted the novelty of moving out on my own, starting a job, creating a home for myself, exploring the world, and, above all, I wanted to bask in my new grown up identity.
The movies make all of this appear effortless. Within an hour and a half, the protagonist has their initiation into the decade of freedom. This is then followed by some sort of dilemma that invokes confusion and a bit of uncertainty, which is resolved in the course of some catchy early 2000s alternative rock and pop songs that conveniently sing about taking chances, being brave, and seizing the moment alongside an inspirational montage of the protagonist’s trials and errors. At the end, the protagonist is portrayed to have the whole young adult thing figured out (somewhat at least).
Take Ryden Malby, for example. In the opening scene of Post Grad, Malby (played by Alexis Bledel) is just hours away from graduating college. Like many young adults in her position, she has big dreams, high hopes, and meticulous plans for life after she turns her tassel and tosses her cap in the air. However, (plot twist) things don’t go exactly as she envisioned. She didn’t land her dream job thus prompting her to move back home with her parents. This is then followed by the classic coming-of-age storyline that includes a disappointed, frustrated Malby applying and interviewing for numerous jobs (which are, predictably, met with rejections), montages of Malby’s trails and errors (which are naturally accompanied with catchy tunes), and, ultimately, a resolution to Malby’s unemployment dilemma.
The movie included other elements to make the story unique like including a love interest gone wrong, an unrequited love situation between Malby and her friend since freshman year, and funny quips from Malby’s family. However, the movie stayed true to the coming-of-age trope.
The simplicity and neatly packaged storyline of coming-of-age films is satisfying, especially for viewers in the same boat as the characters seen on screen. It makes the novelty of young adulthood enticing and the trials and errors that comes with it appealing because you’re under the impression that they’ll just as easily be solved. However, the thing about movies is that they have the privilege of scripting, cutting, and condensing a story that would otherwise be too long and boring to sit through. This may be met with rolling eyes because obviously that’s what movies are supposed to do. Deep down, though, we wish that movies could fully capture the depths of our experience.
In one of the scenes, Malby is frustrated with how her post-grad life has gone so far. Nothing has gone according to plan, nothing has lived up to the fantasies. As someone who similarly graduated college, bid farewell to friends, and reluctantly moved back home despite plans to do otherwise, this one scene resonated. It spoke to the disappointment, confusion, and grief of failed expectations.
The magnitude of unmet expectations in one’s twenties is significant because, probably for your entire life leading up to it, you were sold on an idea of how it should look like, how it should feel, and how it should play out.
It’s normal to not have expectations be met. It’s a part of life. But the magnitude of unmet expectations in one’s twenties is significant because, probably for your entire life leading up to it, you were sold on an idea of how it should look like, how it should feel, and how it should play out. This adds unnecessary pressure to a time that is supposedly intended to be carefree. Yet, every second of every day, you can’t help but ask yourself, Am I doing this right? Am I traveling enough? Am I making progress at all? Should I be doing more? Should I be happier?
Studies have found increasing rates of depression, loneliness, and anxiety among young adults between the ages of 18 and 25. These feelings were found to be a result of various factors like financial stress, lack of purpose, and pressure to achieve. There’s an ongoing conversation as to how to combat these feelings that are now commonly associated with young adulthood like seeking therapy, limiting social media, making efforts to socialize and get involved, among other things, but as of now, the tide hasn’t changed on the matter.
Perhaps the best thing those of us transitioning into our twenties can do is to go into them with no expectations at all. I feel like if I hadn’t bought into the hype of this decade and, instead, walked into it openly with no strict plans, I wouldn’t have felt played when absolutely nothing happened the way it was supposed to. My circumstances and experiences up to this point would have just been… a part of the plot, my plot, because when there isn’t some standard or expectation you’re constantly measuring your experience up against, you’ll touch the essence of what it really means to be free.
There will always be a charm about the decade of one’s twenties. It will always be seen as a time for exploration, risks, mistakes, and a little bit of reckless fun — and rightfully so. But, this charm can’t be manufactured. It has to happen in its own time, in its own way.
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