Last year I wrote a short essay and filmed a video titled “The Hardest Thing to Let Go,” where I discussed the often overlooked problem with aspiring to some idealized version of ourselves.
In summary, the effort toward striving for the ideal version of ourselves is warped because that idealized vision is often shaped by others’ and/ or society’s opinions and expectations on how we should be. And, once you really think about it, we can never truly reach our ideal selves because ideal implies perfection, which we all know isn’t realistic.
I find myself still struggling to let go of the desire to live up to this idealized version I crafted for myself. It’s hard for me to find comfort in a new paradigm that’s centered on appreciating and improving who you are now rather than continuously daydreaming about another version of yourself devoid of flaws. As I continue unconditioning myself from the need to be a certain way in order to be content with my life, I find myself working through a new issue that recently revealed itself to me: the struggle with releasing my former self.
I once heard going through change is similar to going through the five stages of grief because, in a way, when change occurs, something has to die for something new to be born. It’s the law of ebb and flow. No matter if the change is good or bad, sudden or gradual, feelings of uprootedness will inevitably occur.
When we find ourselves in a season where it requires us to relinquish habits, material items, perspectives, or relationships that no longer serve us, it can feel strange, a gray area of sorts, as you try to find your footing in a new season.
One can find comfort in the words of Tiktok Phil Good (@philgoodlife) who put into perspective what many of us may be going through.
“We are all in a holding pattern. Right now you are suspended in the ‘in-between.’” Good said. “You are between your old life, the old version of who you once were… and your new life, the new version of who you’re becoming. Now, the thing about this new life is it hasn’t physically manifested yet. That’s what makes it so tough.”
This “in-between” place can be lonely at times because we’re tasked with intentionally taking inventory of the things nurturing our growth or disrupting it. Not only can it be lonely, but it can also be depressing because we have to let go of things that likely brought immense amounts of joy or comfort to our life but are now hindering our progress.
No one holds the answers when it comes to perfectly navigating the “in-between” moments we’ll all experience throughout our lifetimes but in the words of many great thinkers, the only way out is through.
If you enjoyed this short essay, click here to view more. Stay connected with me @aaliyahinspired on Instagram and Youtube.
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