There I was. On my ten hour flight back from London blanketed in sadness — sadness from the fact that I was leaving London and sadness because of a guy.
Yes, a guy.
I’ve never been the one to be hung up over a guy. The last time I let a guy occupy my headspace in this capacity was back in middle school. I had a “situationship” with a handsome, tall basketball player that never really went anywhere like I wanted it to.
Before going to London, I promised myself to say “yes” to everything (within reason of course). This mainly included new experiences that would get me out of my comfort zone, which meant that I was open to dating and finding love if it was in the cards.
Alongside meeting new people who naturally became friends and exploring the city, I went on a couple of dates. Eventually, I met and connected with someone who was charming, smart, and, above all, cute. We started to hang out more and more as I became accustomed to my life abroad. Almost seamlessly, he became a part of my routine — someone I would call and/or text at least once a day and see once a week in person.
The idea of starting a romantic relationship with this guy was exciting. We had similar interests, enjoyed spending time together, and, at the time, it seemed that we were looking for the same things. This was both new and refreshing to experience given that we now live in a culture where dating has become unnecessarily complicated and oversaturated with people who shudder at the thought of commitment.
With this guy, everything was heading in the right direction. He appeared to be the embodiment of everything that I wanted: he was thoughtful, intentional, open, and honest. He gave me everything I needed to feel secure, which is what made it easy to agree to make things official after weeks of dating.
Given all of this, it was confusing when the relationship ended in a matter of months.
Anyone who’s been in a relationship regardless of its duration with someone they cared about knows the irrelevance duration has to heartbreak.
Though the relationship was short and was robbed of its potential, it was still one that required time, energy, and emotional investment. Because it was short, it can be easy to see it as something to brush off and not get hurt over, but anyone who’s been in a relationship regardless of its duration with someone they cared about knows the irrelevance duration has to heartbreak.
So, there I was, on my flight back home disappointed and heartbroken, the complete opposite of what I thought I’d be feeling a few months prior. In an effort to soothe my feelings, I found myself watching Eat, Pray, Love. This wasn’t my first time watching the movie, but unlike my first time watching it, I was feverishly jotting down quotes in the movie that related to my situation and provided a sense of comfort.
The one that comforted me the most was when Julia Roberts (playing Elizabeth Gilbert) chats with Christine Hakim (playing Wayan) about feeling off balanced and overwhelmed due to her love affair with Javier Bardem (playing Felipe) that ignited quickly and brought with in an influx of foreign feelings for Gilbert. At one point during the conversation, Wayan says, “Don’t feel bad about Felipe. Everybody needs affection, honey. Make people do funny things. Everyone gets like that at the beginning of a relationship.”
“It’s an act of bravery to be open to experiences that require you to be open and vulnerable without knowing whether the time and energy you invest will shield you from the risk of heartbreak.”
Ah, the desire for affection makes people do funny things like crying silently to yourself on a long haul flight over a guy who occupied a fraction of your life. Wayan’s comment reminded me that the desire for affection, love, and romance isn’t anything to be ashamed over. In fact, it’s an act of bravery to be open to experiences that require you to be open and vulnerable without knowing whether the time and energy you invest will shield you from the risk of heartbreak.
This isn’t going to be the last time I get my heart a little bruised by a guy, and it isn’t the last time that I will be open to the idea of finding love. The gift of time and retrospect let me accept what happened — and all the rush of emotions that came with it — in a new light. Though the relationship with the guy was short-lived, it was just another step on my journey to the right one.
In the meantime, as my journey continues, I’m soaking in my Eat, Pray, Love era where my happiness and wellbeing are my main priority. And if love happens to be in the picture someday, then I won’t stop it.
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